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The Colbert Report/Episode/588
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * 40th anniversary of moon landing ** one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind followed by ** four decades of standing around and asking "Now what?" * Dr. Colbert simulated Zero Gravity in The Eagle's Nest * the networks reaired coverage of the landing ** New York Times reprinted their front page * Dr. Colbert re-airs his broadcast from July 20, 1969 ** Mmm! Paint Chips! *** they're low-carb The Word * Stephen ...(?) ** if Go wanted us to have hindsight, He would have put eyes on our butts * Holder wants to investigate * Tonight's word: A Perfect World * in theory to make sure we don't torture, is to punish those who approved it * investigating prisoner torture would be like a food fight ** especially against Dick Cheney * Salon's Glenn Greenwald gave Chuck Todd a wordboarding * NBC News' Political Director * In A Perfect World the news would not be debated on the TV * journalists demand to investigate ** it's not a perfect world *** because we tortured and we're not going to investigate SEGMENT3 * ACORN ** stuffing voter rolls with cartoon names * Obama has hired ACORN to infiltrate The Census * the federal government should only collect * Better Know A Lobby ** ACORN, the fightin' nutjobs! *** has spread to over 96 states * after Katrina, ACORN members formed a symbolic human levy * Bertha Lewis http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/7/21/756123/-Stephen-Colbert-in-death-match-with-black-Barbie * ACORN is the largest membership organization * why care about poor people? ** she can't back it up * 250 groups are helping The Census ** ACORN is running it *** Stephen heard she say they're running it * Stephen's version of The Census ** age 58 ** # of sexual partners * Bertha had one for Stephen: ** Stephen has had only one sexual partner (he's married) ** has lesion on taint in the shape of Spain *** can see all of Spain (but not Portugal) * ACORN also fights against predatory lending ** but, predatory lending is the law of nature * she thinks the housing market obeys the law of nature ** thin the herd or poor people will overgraze * Stephen sang a selection from The Lion King, incluing: ** Hakuna Matada(sp) * she has been to Africa * Stephen has been to Scotland Interview * Dr. Aaron Carroll ** tube: Physicians for a National Health Program * thinks he knows how to fix the healthcare system, so does Stephen: walk it off * it's complicated * he believes we should have government healthcare for everyone ** he wants us to be European * Europeans have never dealt with an insurance company that cares for them * Medicare is fine for old people ** they have nothing to lose * bureaucrats between a patient an their doctor ** year-long backlong for a woman in labor * people are afraid * not talking about accuracy; they're talking about what Stephen feels * evidence ** pays less ** better outcomes ** covers everyone * plan being proposed is not a single-payer plan * most efficient system ** we need single-payer * if people aren't healthy, they can't work. When they can't work, they can't pay taxes * taxes don't pay for Stephen's jetskis * he tried to surrender ** DeMint says this is where GOP will break Obama * Obama gave his enemies his timetable * 1,000-page bill ** no one will read it in the summertime Petition * Nominate Stephen to be an honorary physician! Epilogue * the opinions expressed during his show are his own; ** the chip in his head only makes suggestions Gallery File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments